Drunken Holiday Cake

This recipe, unlike the drunken carrot cake, actually involves a drunk cake, rather than a drunk baker.  In fact, the cake ends up so drunk, it would definitely get pulled over by the R.I.D.E. program (if it could drive of course).  This is an adaptation of my great grandmother's recipe.  The original recipe called for 10 cents worth of nuts - needless to say I had to update the recipe.  Despite the mild adaptations and interpretations, the cake is delicious.

1.  Free yourself of the stigma that holiday fruit cakes are boring and will be received with polite compliments, only to be battered and bashed behind your back.  Without nasty and artificial candied fruits, these cakes can be, and ARE delicious.

2.  Defend a Ph.D.  Oddly, this will inspire your father to purchase an exorbitant amount of delicious and expensive dried cherries and blueberries.  If defending a thesis is unrealistic, you will, unfortunately, have to spring for this expense yourself. 

3.  Resist eating the delicious dried fruits.  This will surely test your resolve.  But remember, you can do it.  We at Project Hilarious have the utmost faith in you.

4.  Soak 1 cup of dried cherries, 1 cup of dried blueberries, 1 cup of currant, 2 cups of raisins, and 1 cup of chopped dates in 1 cup of brandy overnight.  Then, due to the overwhelming exhaustion from the post defense adrenaline-drain and the subsequent hangovers from the defense parties, allow the fruit to soak for an additional day.

5.  Add the zest of 2 oranges and 2 cups of slivered almonds to the soaked fruit.

6.  Cream slightly more than 1 cup of butter with 2 cups of demerara sugar.  Beat in 4 eggs until well combined.  Sift 3 cups of flour with 2 tsp of baking powder, 1/2 tsp of salt, 2 tsp cinnamon, 1 tsp of cloves, and 2 tsp all-spice.  Mix.  Combine juice from 2 oranges with maple syrup to a final volume of 1-1/2 cups.  Alternate adding the flour mixture with the juice mixture until it is all incorporated.  Add 1 cup of flour to the soaked fruit mixture and add it to the batter.  Pour into two buttered and parchment-lined loaf pans.

7.  Bake in a low over, 275 degrees, for awhile.  Fall asleep while the cakes bake due to the continued and absolutely wretched exhaustion you are still experiencing from the post defense craziness.  Wake up to the sweet smell of spicy holiday goodness.  Remove the cakes from the oven.  A toothpick inserted at this time should come out clean.  A guestimation of elapsed time is approximately 2-1/2 hours.

8.  Add several tablespoons of brandy to each cake after about an hour out of the oven and resting on a cooling rack.  Wrap in parchment paper or cheese cloth, and then foil and store in a tin container.  Every week drench the cakes in brandy until eaten.  This recipe is thus best made 1-2 months prior to consumption.  The result is drunken, drunken, delicious, boozy fruit goodness.

9.  A day or two before serving, get your Martha on!  Seriously people, this is the time to channel your inner hate-it-that-you-care-about-cake-decorating and go for the gold!  Coat cakes (they can be split into make more cakes if desired) in marzipan.  And then, drape in fondant icing.  Go nuts with the food coloring and flower decorating.  Poinsettias are an excellent suggestion.  Do not go with an identifiable and rigorously defined Euphorbia pulcherrima, yuck!  Indulge...drink first (may we recommend a French 75 or possibly some delightful mulled wine courtesy of Jamie Oliver).  Of course, after a few, you will be less judgy of your culinary creation.

10.  Enjoy the kitschy holiday tradition of fruit cake - this year in brandy blurry style.  We are Project Hilarious highly recommend it!

Cereal and deoderant and feminine hygiene, oh my!

Project Hilarious would like to know how supermarket isle organization is achieved.  At first, we believed that logic coupled with the adherence to strict guidelines was absolutely critical.  Thanks to the 'clever' folks at Loblaws, we are certain that is definitely not the case.  Isle organization is purely random.  

At a recent trip to the brand new flagship Loblaws in Toronto, one half of Project Hilarious was witness to an absurd isle.  What is extremely interesting, however, is how the lateralization of brain function dictates the degree of hilarity of the list.  Left brained (analytical) folks will read it as columns.  Right brained (creative) types, on the other hand, read it left to right.  As a friend said, reading left to right, the last line is particularly alarming!



Project Hilarious wants to know what type of brain are you?

ugi from toronto

why is ugi hilarious? 

ugi thinks it's funny that the greek PM announced a referendum and then took it back 2 days later.  he can't conceive that governments of the world will blatenly tell their stupid subjects that their opinions mean nothing, yet at the same time tell them they are fighting for "democracy" elsewhere!  to rationalize the insanity, ugi assumes that 95% of the people in the world are stupid.  then, and only then, does the shit that goes on in the world make sense (well, sort of).  this is hilarious. 

ugi thinks that babies that talk are hilarious.

ugi cruises around our wonderful city on a super sexy bike.  once he hit a raccoon while riding home in the middle of the night.  apparently hoping the fucker was dead was more important than bracing for the inevitable fall and subsequent wounds.  despite the mild injuries, this was hilarious.  

for halloween ugi dressed up as edward scissorhands.  since he hadn't seen the movie for a while and failed to consult any photos to remind myself what the bastard looked like, he accidentally made an edward scissorarms costume.  that's hilarious. 

ugi gets a kick out of awkward elevator rides at the workplace.  not only does he love watching others squirm at the painful uncomfortableness of the situation, he thinks their retarded small talk is fuckin' hilarious.  ugi cracking up in the elevator is hilarious.

ugi proudly sports the project hilarious t-shirt.

ugi from toronto IS hilarious!